What's Your View?!

This morning while attempting to complete the 1000 piece puzzle on the dining room table (life of the unemployed), I heard a ruckus coming from the tv.  I have a list of shows that I turn on each morning for news, entertainment, and to really stimulate my brain.  During The View, some thing happened.  Words flew in both directions from the hosts and guest Bill O'Reilly.

If any of you know anything about the show, you are not surprised that most of the hosts did not agree with him on 99% of his points.  There is a strong presence on that show of a democratic belief system, and Bill O'Reilly is the antithesis of liberal politics.  Needless to say, he made an extreme statement in the heat of the moment prompting two hosts to walk off the stage in rage. 

What I want to know is: How do you know why you believe in what you do if you can not challenge those beliefs in a rational way?  Bill O'Reilly was in the hot seat and handled himself far better than the hosts of the show showing me, the observant counselor type, that he was comfortable and confident in his take on the topic.  Now granted he did make some very extreme statements, and perhaps thought twice before speaking further, but he did not let his other opinions go unheard. 

I like listening to both sides of an argument because for the most part each side has their own exaggerated opinon, and you find the actual truth somewhere in between.  My job as a counselor is to listen and facilitate healthy discussion and expression.  And truthfully, I would rather just enjoy a nice BLT and a beer while everyone else dukes it out.  I am not a competitive person either, and I think that helps with me not having to "get the win"...we'll discuss that later.

The reason I wanted to address this topic is because I wanted to challenge you to take a look at how you handle your political conversations.  When speaking about "sense of self" like we have before, can you really know what you truly believe if you don't even know who you are and why?  Why is it that you actually believe what you do?  Do you share the same view as your family, or has your generation acculturated you into the opposite view out of the need to be different and foster change?  Do you choose peers who challenge you, or a circle that simply you know you can get along with?

I often wonder where the notion of "scream louder and you will be heard" comes from?  My thought is that if you are arguing and trying to win for the sake of "being right" and your opponent is doing the same, the actual content is falling on deaf ears and then what?!  Neither of you were successful, and now you are both more likely hold some kind of animosity, because lets face it you don't really let it go--who would?!  It is not in our nature to do so, hence the reason why we have political parties and terrible political adds every year that attack and smear for the sake of the win.

Behavioral Therapy is a general term for the most popular theories of counseling used today.  We all have irrational thoughts that lead to behaviors as an expression of the disturbances in our mind.  We live under these "musts" and behave in ways in order to meet our needs.

• I must do well enough to gain the approval of others.
• I must be treated by others the way I think I should be treated, otherwise they are no good and must be punished or condemned.
• I must get what I want when I want it, and if I don't, it's terrible.

So if blaming others is at the core of these disturbances, how the heck can we have a real relationship?  You will never be 100% satisfied if you live beneath the "musts", "shoulds", demands and commands.  That is so much pressure which then leads to your anxieties, depression, anger, and flat out dismissal of reality as we saw today on the show.  By this theory, whether or not you agree with Bill O'Reilly politically, it is fair to say that he is more rational in his behavior when compared to the hosts of the show.  He won today, because he didn't come there to win.  He stated his opinion with passion yes, but he also stood his ground.  The other opinion left the stage and was not heard from for minutes.  Its like playing a man down-often not in the team's favor.  

I challenge you to really examine your behavior in a recent heated conversation.  What about that conversation was not satisfying to you?  How did you behave irrationally as a result--yell, scream, walk away, ignore, blame?  How can you benefit from actually listening, without forming a response, to the other person?  Understanding why another person feels the way they do, will challenge your mind to do the same.  It is then that you build the foundation for your belief system, based on your ethics, your opinions, and your feelings as a result of hearing what they had to say whether you agree or not. 

Leave the "shoulds" and "musts" behind and you will win without even trying.

This is the link to an article about the show with a video clip.  Enjoy!

It's Their View or No View