Inside Out

I follow a lot of blogs through my Google Reader.  It allows me to preview and engage with the articles that are of interest to me.  This evening as I am sorting through the last few days worth of topics, I came across three topics which in my mind parallel one another in the common thread of the self.
1.  How the actions of parents influence a child
2.  How the teen values happiness internally and externally
3.  How the adult identifies the self within a relationship

Our parents influence every move we make.  Do we behave in accordance with them?  Sometimes yes and sometimes no.  Do we challenge their rearing?  Again, yes and no.  A negative experience with a parent can impact a child on so many levels.  One negative statement by a parent about grades, weight, or even their own matrimonial issues can influence the future of the child.

In my case, the constant pressure to be perfect in school, set the best example for my sibling, and appear competent to everyone else, was a burden to heavy to bear and has impacted how I define my own happiness.  Intrinsic happiness is finding satisfaction, pleasure, and meaning within the self without the reward of materialistic objects--extrinsic happiness.  In other words, if you neglect the intrinsic self, you risk depressive symptoms and anxiety.  The self is left incomplete and thus your extrinsic accomplishments are never fully satisfying.  This can result in a decrease in the quality of interpersonal relationships and disconnect with your external world.

I made a strong effort to identify what intrinsic goals I had, and identified how to achieve them.  In some cases, the self is unable to clarify the need for intrinsic satisfaction.  The external world is seemingly satisfying and there is no immediate need for internal improvement.  As depression, anxiety, and compulsions set in, the relationships begin to decline and self esteem diminishes.

Relationships suffer when extrinsic goals and values become the foundation and livelihood of the interaction.  As a child, achieving perfection in the eyes of a parent.  As a teen, gaining the approval of peers and family.  As an adult, accomplishing a predetermined social expectation at the expense of health and autonomy.

If you find yourself in a relationship with more extrinsic value, ask for help finding your self.  At the expense of the relationship?  Maybe.  At the expense of losing yourself?  That is your choice.  You have to bring the balance back, and it may require an internal swing that allows you to be who you really are.  I do not think that is such a bad thing.

Influenced by:
--http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/parents-negatively-influencing-children-regarding-other-parent-1101113/
--http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-pursuit-of-happiness-internal-or-external-1101114/
--http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/treating-eating-disorders-individuals-couples-families-1102113/