A Teen Forever?

I was reading this article today about teenage friendships and how parents should teach their children to "phase out" certain relationships that do not contribute to their lives in a positive way.  I then asked myself, how is that different from your adult life?  I do not really want toxic relationships now any more than I did when I was a teenager. 

The article describes the  foundation of an ideal friendship.

• reciprocity/mutuality: getting out of the relationship something equal to that of which you put in.
• support/understanding: how can each of you empathize and act in times of need
• fun/pleasure: positive interactions outweigh the negative ones by a noticeable amount
• inclusion: can the relationship transcend families, work, and other social circles?

Past experiences should have taught you a lesson in toxic relationships and what signs to watch out for:

• one sided in: conversation, effort, input
• noticeable negative interactions and feelings: complaints, insults, worry, anxiety
• need to compete or point out personal gains and injustices

As adults we are told by the various relationships in our lives that the result of our work, our kids, our lives in general are the root of our problems.  We should slow down and take a break from our life. When really is it possible that those relationships are just not built upon a great foundation, and that they may in fact be the root of the toxic feelings?

All I am asking is that you take a step back and examine your relationships.  How do they really benefit you in a positive way, if at all?  What choices are you making that allow the toxic relationships to continue to impact your life in a negative way?  Understand that your sense of self is reflected in many of your relationships, and without a strong core within yourself, most relationships themselves can not share strength in the foundation.

Why as adults do we feel that it is worth it to "put up with" relationships that do not serve us?  How can we better cope with what we can not change, and what can we do to change the things we can?  If the relationship is not what you would want to see for the person that you love most, then why would it be ok for your life?

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